Snoring is not a Problem
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you"?
He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night, it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, the same thing happened. His hair was all standing up and his eyes were all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player. A man's man. The next morning, he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
The next night, it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, the same thing happened. His hair was all standing up and his eyes were all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player. A man's man. The next morning, he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."
"Good morning!" he said.
They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened"?
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him goodnight. He sat up and watched me all night long."
5 Rules Men Must Follow For A Happy Life With A Woman
1. It’s important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Retirement Bonus
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an
early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight
away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every
inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's
body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man
to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He
walked out with a check of 720,000 Dollars.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of
his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a
check for 960,000 Dollars.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to
measure, he told the pension man, "From the tip of my ***** to the
bottom of my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to
reconsider, pointing out the nice cheques the previous two generals had
received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be
fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer arrived and asked the general to drop the pants. He
did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's
***** and began to work back.
"My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"
The general replied, "One in Iraq and the other in Afghanistan... Keep measuring!!"
Halo Halo Joke
tindera: HOII! kahit nagtitinda lang ako ng juice dito may mga anak ako na nasa UP, UV, UC, USC, USJR at UST.
student: WOW! Galing naman, anong course nila?
tindera: wala! nagtitinda rin ng juicce.
student: WOW! Galing naman, anong course nila?
tindera: wala! nagtitinda rin ng juicce.
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Isang pasaherong matandang babae ang tumapik sa likod ng driver at saka
inaabot ang limang pirasong almond, na kinuha ng driver at malugod
niyang kinain.Makalipas ang 15 minuto, muli ay tinapik ang driver ng matandang babae at iniabot ang 10 piraso ng almond.
Muli, tinanggap ang mga iyon ng driver at malugod niyang kinain.
Hindi nakatiis ang driver na magtanong sa matandang babae, "Bakit ninyo ibinibigay sa akin ang mga almond? Bakit hindi ninyo kainin?"
"Wala kasi akong ngipin," sagot ng matandang babae.
"Eh bakit pa kayo bumili niyan?" nagtatakang tanong muli ng driver.
Sumagot ang matandang babae, "Iyong chocolate lang naman ang gusto ko. Madali naman ‘yung sipsipin."
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Eddie: Anong pulutan nyo sa b-day mo kahapon pre?
Ramon: Pata!
Eddie: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
Ramon: PATAgalan ng kwento, pre!!!
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
