Indians
One day a Florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door.
Gusot-Gusot
si lolo hugo at lola maria ay matagal nang hindi nag co contact sexually. Kaya't miss na miss na ni lola maria and intimate relationship nila, hangang isang gabi, para mapansin sya ni lolo hugo ay naghubad si lola maria sa kanilang kwato (aakitin nya si lolo). Pagpasok ni lolo at napatingin kay lola......sabi ni lolo hugo: ANO KA BA NAMAN MARIA BAKIT GUSOT-GUSOT ANG DAMIT MO???/
Nakakasalat
Sakristan: Father, may libangan din ba ang mga Pari?
Pari: Oo, naman, pag dating ng hapon, kaming mga pari dito sa bayan ay naglalaro ng Mahjong.
Sakristan: Bakit po naman Mahjong pa ang napili niyong laro?
Pari: Kasi, dito lang kami nakakasalat ng flower, Iho!
bra sizes
why do they measure the cupsizes A B C D E F?....
A- almost gone
B- barely noticeable
C- comfortable
D- damn good
E- extremely big and.......
F-fake
Si Sir Talaga
Sabi ng seksi at kaakit-akit na empleyada sa kanyang boss, "Sir, will you remove something from my boobs?"
Naglaway lalo ang boss, "Wow! Alin ‘yon?!"
Sagot ni seksi, "Ang mga mata mo, sir!"
Assorted Na Mga Jokes
A Colegiala was interviewed...
Question: whats the difference between a penis and a Kamote?
Colegiala: yak naman!!! as in hellooo?? I dont eat kamote noh.. how can i compare?!
--------------------------
GRO: Miss pabili ng condom, dalawang dosena
Tindera: wow!! Dami naman… Fully booked ba ngayon??
GRO: hindi naman.. may 3-day sale lang…
----------------------------------
Teacher: Give me colors that begin with letter “M”
Pupil: Maroon!!!
Teacher: Anybody else??
Ngongo: Mlue, Mrawn, mlak, maiolet…
Teacher: Mery ngood!!!
----------------------------------
Pedro: Galing ako sa doctor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid grabe ang linaw na ng pandinig ko
Juan: talga?! Magkano ang bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang…
----------------------------------
Apo: Lola pano kung isang araw ay umulan ng titi.. ano ang gagawin nyo??
Lola: Naku apo… kulimlim pa lang ay hubo na ako…
---------------------------------
In an anatomy exam, the teacher asks the class to draw a female reproductive organ… one girl feels shy and looks down….
Then a boy shouts…. “sir oh… may kodigo!!!”
---------------------------------
Konduktor: Lola pasensya na po kasi puno na.. payag ba kayo patayo??
Lola: Tinamaan ka ng lintek!!! Kung inabot mo lang ang kabataan ko.. kahit PATUWAD pwede!!!
---------------------------------
PGMA: I am planning to STOP POVERTY and MASS STARVATION!!!
Erap: alam mo Gloria yung POVERTY madaling pigilin, pero ang MASTURBATION human rights violation yan!!!
---------------------------------
Husband: Malamig na sinangag, matabang na kape, maalat na sabaw, paano ka ba naman gaganahan nito??
Wife: maasim na itlog, malambot na titi, malaking tiyn, kala mo ba ginaganahan ako??!!! Tse!!!!
---------------------------------
Wife puts Viagra on Husband coffee to add sex drive… after drinking, husband grab and fucked her on the table.. Wife shouts and cried…
“Tang-ina naman”… Wag naman dito sa Jolibee!!!”
----------------------------------
Oi, watch ka CNN News!!! Manny Pacquio disqualified by Nevada Athletic Comission!!! Drugs found in his urine!!!
Puro ALAXAN, CIRCULAN & ROBITUSSIN!!! May DATU PUTI pa!!!
----------------------------------
Girl: taguan tayo.. Pag nakita mo ko papayag akong makipag sex sa yo…
Boy: eh paano kung hindi kita mahanap??
Girl: ehh.. basta nasa likod lang ako ng pinto!!!
----------------------------------
Patient: Dok, malungkot ako dito sa mental… kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang aking sarili…
Doctor: ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo??
Patient: aba.. ewan!!! Next week ko pa matatanggap eh!!!
---------------------------------
GF: Hon, pag hawak ko ang bote ng softdrinks na ito.. naaalala ko ang ex-BF ko…
BF: eh ako, kelan mo ako naaalala??
GF: kapag subo ko na ang STRAW!!!
--------------------------------
Dalagita: Mom, totoo ba na kung saan pinasok ang ari ng lalaki dun din lumalabas ang baby??
Mom: oo anak..totoo un!!!
Dalagita: Di kaya masira ang tonsil ko paglabas ng baby ko??
-------------------------------
Mr: pag namatay ka.. isusulat ko sa nitso mo.. “ Malamig noong buhay… mas malamig noong namatay!!”
Mrs: Ah ganon ba??? Sa nitso mo naman ilalagay ko.. “ Sa wakas tumigas din!!!”
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
A man who went to church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this. One Sunday, she took a long hatpin with her to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out, "And who created all there is in six days and rested on the seventh," she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed, "Good God almighty!"