Tuesday Vargas - Funny, verstile and focused @UNO Convention

Tuesday Vargas with Butch and Benjie is very funny but versatile and a very intelligent comedian @ UNO Convention held at Cuneta Astrodome on October 24, 2010. Benjie and Butch were also very funny and the trio will take you off your seats. Though they make the night full of fun and laughter, they were able to introduce the business and the products very clearly and make you excited and look forward to another healthful items for personal use and for profit.

Here are some videos of the fun part.

Part 1



Part 2


     

    

The Show Must Go On

This is what you call a true profesional.  The show must go on no matter what happen.
Watch the video below and see for yourself. enjoy.




  .

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all Daddy out there.

Every third Sunday of June is FATHER'S DAY.  The rest is Other's Day.

Happy Other's Day to all Afterwards.

The far side of JM

Remember the matinee idol Jovit Moya.  He appeared in ’80s and ’90s movies like Black Magic, Zaldong Tisoy and Mario Sandoval. A mainstay on the hit television series That’s Entertainment, there was a time that Jovit Moya was a household name.  Here is a collection of his funny side he posted in the internet.

Back in the day our english teacher was teaching on grammatical person. Then she asked: "If I say 'our beautiful teacher has a handsome and rich boyfriend', what person is speaking Jovito?" I replied "A delusional lunatic ma'am".......... did someone say "detention"?

Is it just me or does anyone else notice that there must be some kind of movie rule wherein everytime they have a scene involving grocery bags there must be french bread in them?!?!


Went to my neighbor for tea one day and his 6yr old son Sean was drawing. I said: what are you drawing kiddo? he holds up a the piece of paper and said "its an octopus!! its got 8 testicles!!" His dad and I couldn't stop laughing!!!


In my youth I spent some time in a small town called Sotorribas, in Spain. one day my schoolmate and I were late for different reasons. The teacher asked: Santos de Saavedra why are you late? Santos replied "my horse stopped and laydown in the middle of the road, I was helpless" teacher rolls her eyes and says: Jovito ...Moya why are u late? I replied: stuck in traffic mam there was a horse in the middle of the road!!


Just realized that his Blackberry is not part of his anatomy... and its ok to set it down and be separated from it once and a while...

When I was about 12 my teacher asked me what my idea of an ideal school was. My answer..."burned to the ground, miss". ....... did someone mention the word detention!?!

Whenever my wife used to tell me to sweep the house, I would sit on the sofa, tea cup in hand, legs crossed and I would sweep my eyes from right to left, and back again from left to right! Complied!!!
I got invited to my neighbors party, and his son asked him: Daddy!! daddy!! How does it feel to be ugly? dad says: I dunno son never got to experience that, why don't you run over to grandma (wifes mom) and ask her... she knows a lot about that.

Some years ago as a Captain, transfered to a new camp. The only housing available for me was at the bachelor officers quarters. As luck would have it,everyday, a rooster owned by an NCO would perch on the wall separating the BOQ and the NCOQ and crow at 5am. After a week of this madness I decided I was going to have chicken for lunch and a good nights sleep!

I was at the mall today and a mother and child were arguing: mommy please buy it! NO!! mom I'm old enough to wear it! I SAID NO! but mom I'm 15 and I should be wearing one. my friends all wear them. DAMMIT RICHARD FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME I'M NOT BUYING YOU A BRA!!!

Before I got married my wife did the talking and I listened, after we got married I talked and she listened, 2 years into the marriage we both talked and the neighbors listened!!

When I was 10 I told my 12yr old neighbor Anne that she was ugly, and she cried. My Mom and Anne's mom were having coffee at the time,they overheard us and my mom said "that's not nice, now go up to her and say you're sorry!" so I went up to Anne and said "Anne...I'm sorry you're that ugly".

Everytime I drive past this signboard for bathroom fixtures I end up laughing: "SAVE THE TREES.... USE A BIDET"

 Many years ago as a teenager wanting to join the service, I knew I had to become an officer, because I had a problem with authority...... If I wasn't the authority then there was a problem!!!

When I was a young boy my teacher asked me 2+2? I counted my fingers and said 4. She asked me to keep my hands behind me and asked 4+4, I felt my fingers and said 8. This time she wasn't too pleased with my use of fingers, she said put your hands in your pockets 5+5, I felt around and said "11".

The secrets to my staying young are: having lots of exercise, eating very healthy foods, removing all stress, deep breathing, having lots and lots of sex...... and most importantly ...lying about my age!

I used to own a Rottweiler, mans best friend, one day while waiting at the vets he looked at me and had that look that said "what kind of best friend would have his buddies testicles removed"... and so... we got up and left!

My neighbors daughter asked me... "my dady is a male, my mommy is a female, so...what's an email?"

Is it just me or does anybody else notice that the older we get, the more reading we do during bowel movement sessions. Hell! In a few more years I might just finish an entire novel in one sitting!

When I was in the service it always surprised me how the semestral rifle or pistol profficiency would always get cancelled, however, the bi-annual PFT never got cancelled. Apparently the Generals wanted a force that couldn't shoot but could run fast!

Back in the day when I was part of the command staff, I usually ran the operation plans by my 5 and 7 year old neighbors. For some reasons the kids always found the damn flaws in the plans that adults missed!

Back in the day when I was still a young lieutenant, our firebase was attacked by insurgents... and I still remember the last words the Major said to me: "what duck?"

Has anybody else here, besides me, ever tried to spit while riding on a roller coaster?

 Many years ago when I was in the service, I once had a job wherein I was tasked to find a miniscule sign of intelligence in the intelligence reports!!

 I remember when I was 12 my teacher asked me to name 3 famous ancient greeks... I said... Pericles!... Sophocles!... and... uh...umm.... Testicles??

 Having been in the service, one of the most useful religious teachings I found most apt for the battlefield is: "it is better to give than to receive."

Why am I frowning today? Because it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile and my face needs the exercise damn it!

I always enjoy giving a parting fart as I exit a crowded elevator

my doctor recommends I get a lot of cardio workouts! sex is a cardio workout....

A few years ago I was on a C-5 transport and the female tech sargent announced the usual crap and the name of the pilot. I said: did I hear you right the pilot is female? -TSGT: yes sir its an all female crew sir. I said: wow must be an interesting cockpit. TSgt:we don't call it a cockpit anymore sir its the "box office" now.

Its amazing how much time we spend infront of the TV... for some of us the TV really does rule our lives, time will come when a man will get up from the couch and the TV, like a nagging wife, would say: "dont you turn your back on me". I told my neighbor once that reading is food for the brain, and now he watches TV in... mute, reading the closed captioning instead.

My dear friends, in the stressful world we live in, many people have forgotten how it is to relax... and so this week i suggest to you dear friends... smile, relax, take a deep breath...... go out for pizza and have some sex?............ What????.... you don’t like pizza?

I sometimes get annoyed when I hear the people say the over used phrase... "beauty is only skin deep" well helloooo!!??? How franckin deep do they want it?? ... Up to my liver???

My friends, more than half the troubles we experience in
life are brought about by none other than ourselves. Most of our
experiences happen because of our thoughts, desires, and actions. For a
simpler life my Father used to say: "Don't trouble trouble if trouble
isn't troubling you"... and so my friends... have a trou...ble free
day!

Everyone grows old... but for me old age will always be any number 20 years more than my age!

Some years ago I won a battle over stress & worry with the help of my Rottweiler, THOR. And the formula was simple, handle every stressful situation like a dog...If you can't eat it or play with it, Just pee on it and walk away. I know some of you can't help worrying, but I say to you my freinds, worrying can't help yo...u either. So think like a dog and smile my friends!

I believe in earning through hard work, so I will drive 60 miles to get a lottery ticket

I swear some parents now days are just plain IDIOTS!!! They should pass a breeding law that would limit couples to one child per 75 parental I.Q. points!!

The problem with treating everyday like a weekend is that you get so bored shitless during the actual weekends!!

One of the most valuable things I learned as a cadet which is still applicable today: Never be first, never be last, and never ever volunteer for anything!!!

In life.. at times I feel lost... and I always turn and find refuge in the words of my favorite famous philosopher, Homer............. "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand" --(Homer Simpson)

Every time I watch the late night news.. theres this one thing I really dont get... its this thing called AIR QUALITY WARNING... jeez.. what the hell are we supposed to do... hold our breath???

In a perfect world paid sick days would include the days when you're sick of work...

why is it that everytime I get on the motorway I suddenly need to pee!!! damn!!!

Its annoying to see those electronic signs that show your speed.... If the state really wants to slow us down.... well.... they should display the cost of the ticket. "Your speed is ... $150."

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I watched the Golded Compass all over again.... and have come to the conclusion that if I ever had an animal spirit... mine would be Garfield.. and he would lay down and be lazy all day...!

as I lay down in deep thought for an hour I began to see the stars, the planets, galaxies, the universe!!!... and a question came to me.... where the hell did the ceiling go!?!?





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Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

Some sort of Discrimination

I think this is some sort of discrimination. When I type the word "why" in  google.com.ph search box, this is what appears.

see for youself and go ahead and try it.

Vote Wisely

Bakit kaya hindi tumakbo si "WISELY" ngayon eleksyon. hindi ko na sya naririnig ngayong kampanyahan. Sya pa naman ang paborito ko.

More Jokes

Daming Jokes…

Sa Math Class…
Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito,
ilang piraso na?
Banong: 2 po mam!
Teacher: At kung hinati ko pa pareho?
Banong: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.
Banong: 8 piraso po.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Banong: 16 po mam.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Banong: 32 piraso na po!
Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?
Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)
Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?
Banong: Ay susmaryosep mam! GINILING napo! GINILING!!!
============ ========= =========
SA BAKERY.
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba , sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto
pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?
============ ========= =========
Honeymoon:
BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Diba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!
============ ========= =========
Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!
Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin mlakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino b
talaga ang anak mo, ako o ung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!
============ ========= =========
Magsyota naglalakad sa park:
GF: Hon, ihi muna ako
BF: Dyan ka nalang sa damuhan…
Habang umiihi, kinapkap ni BF ang legs ni GF nang may mahawakan syang
mahaba sa gitna nito…
BF: Anak ng?! Bading ka ba o nagpalit na ng kasarian??
GF: Sira! Nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon. Tumatae na ako.
============ ========= =========
BF : May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman…
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi… PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!
============ ========= =========
NARS: doc, bat tinanggihan nyo yung pasyente?
DR: alin, yung bakla?
NARS: opo. Baka sabihin namimili tayo, porket bading siya.
DR: ano naman raraspahin ko sa kanya?
=========
FROG: what does my future hold?
FAIRY: you’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
FAIRY: no. in biology class
=========
things you don’t want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!
=========
inspiring quote of the day:
“hindi ako tamad. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos kasipagan
ko.”
=========
BOY: I know we are also matter we can’t occupy the same space at the
same time. Kaya aalis na lang ako.
GIRL: bakit ganun para tayong mga parallel lines, why can’t we meet
at the same point?
BOY: your verbs and actions are not correct that’s why all of the
subjects are affected.
GIRL: ayoko na. you’ve reached my boiling point. And now my heart is
getting to its freezing point!
=========
‘dear te, dear te, dear te!!!’
-sigaw ni Anabel Rama kay Lorin at Veniz (mga anak ni Rofa) habang
naglalaro ng tubig sa kanal.
=========
MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you’re pretty ugly.
=========
TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science. What is science?
PEDRO: ako ma’am! Ako ma’am!
TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?
PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.
=========
AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to
such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I’m so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED!!! .hehehe
=========
BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!
=========
DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.
==========
TRIVIA: do you know how they make rubber gloves in China ?
Workers deep their hands into melted latex, then air-dry them.
Now guess how they make condoms?
==========
Why God invented menopause:
Once upon a time, a 70 year old woman gave birth.
BISITA: pwedeng makita ang baby mo?
MOM: mamaya na.
30 minutes after.
BISITA: pwede na bang makita?
MOM: oo, pero hintay muna tayo na umiyak kasi nakalimutan ko kung
saan ko linagay.
===========
in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we are under
economic crisis?
BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!
===========
Sexy girl nagkukumpisal:
PARI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SEXY: father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko
mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
PARI: ‘tang ina! Di nga?

Philippine Game Show Questions and Answers

Philippine Game Show Questions and Answers




Stupid answers to game show questions, Battle of the Brains where
contestants answer simple questions.  It's just hilarious sometimes
that even the simplest questions bring forth the funniest answers! The
Top Stupid Answers To Game Show Questions:





1.   Q: "Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?"

      A: "Umiilaw!"

3.   Q: "Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag  sa kumakain ng tao?

      A: "Humanitarian? "

4.   Q: "Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga."

      A: "Ninja?"

5.  Q: "Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?"

     A: "Sunog!"

6   Q: "Magbigay ng sikat na Willie."

     A: "Willie da pooh!"

7.  Q: "Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?"

     A: "Hindunesia? "

8.   Q: "Anong hayop si King Kong?"

      A: "Pagong!"

9.   Q: "Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?"

      A: "Canadia!"

11.  Q: "Kumpletuhin - Little Red."

      A: "Ribbon!

12.  Q: "Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin."

      A: "Tinga!"

14. Q: "Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?"

     A: "Pag balita?"

15. Q: "Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?"

     A: "Baby oil?"

16. Q: "Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?"

     A: "Sweetserland? "

17. Q: "Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?"

     : "Godzilla?"

18. Q: "Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?"

     A: "Sadista?"

20. Q: "Blank is the best policy."

     A: "Ice tea?"

22. Q: "Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?"

     A: "Sa likod!"

23. Q: "Fill in the blanks - Beauty is in the eye of the ____."

     A: "Tiger?"

24. Q: "Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?"

     A: "Saging!"

25. Q: "Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?"

     A: "Baliw!"

26. Q: "Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?"

     A: "Kamag-anak! "

27. Q: "Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?"

     A: "Sa motel?"

28. Q: "Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?"

     A: "Cold water!"

29. Q: "Sinong cartoon character ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?"

    A: "Si scooby dooby doo?"

30. Q: "Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka. "

     A: "Operadang bakla?"

31. Q: "Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?"

     A: "Madami!"

32. Q: "Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?"

     A: "Abnormal!"
.

Packs of Condom

A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked his father, "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "Condoms son." The boy asked, "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?" The dad replied, "The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March...."

Interesting Facts 4

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second was William Jefferson Clinton.

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

On average people fear spiders more than death.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

A snail can sleep for three years.

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

All polar bears are left handed.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Almost everyone who reads this FACTS will try to lick their elbow..

Anne Curtis Nipple Slip Swimsuit Malfunction ASAP Photo and Video in Boracay Scandal

Ann’s pretty face posted here hopefully reminds us that this sweet young lass is begging for people to stop spreading her photo and video scandal of the swimsuit slip incident. The girl suffered much from the scandal wildfire, it was not her fault the bikini decided to slip and she’s begging the public please, so….

Looking for Ann Curtis’ photo and video of her swimsuit nipple slip and malfunction at ASAP’s taping in Boracay? Sorry to disappoint you, you won’t find it here.

The Two Nuns

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.


SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.


SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?


A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man with his pants down.

(And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys! ).

HEAVEN AND HELL

(I got this from my-email it's a nice one about campaigning and election)

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Philippine Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the Filipino people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning ...
Today, you voted.."

The Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's private area is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's...

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.


Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.


Women reading this will be finished now.


Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

What is Politics ?

Son: “Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?”

Father: “Sure son, what’s the question?”

Son: “What is politics?”

Father: “Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me management. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her government. We take care of your needs, so let’s call you the people. We’ll call the maid the working class and your baby brother we will call the future. Do you understand?”

Son: “I’m not really sure, dad. I’ll have to think about it.”

That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maid’s room where, peeking through the key hole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheard by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to bed.

The next morning:

Son: “Dad, now I think I understand politics.”

Father: “That’s great son, explain it to me in your own words.”

Son: “Well, dad, while management is screwing the working class the government is sound asleep. The people are being completely ignored and the future is full of shit.”.