Accountant, etc.

Accountant
A company is interviewing applicants for an accountancy position, and the three finalists have been chosen.

The first one is called in, and asked, "What is two plus two?"

She answers, "Four," and is asked to leave.

The second finalist is called in, and asked the same question, "What is two plus two?"

He also answers, "Four," and is also asked to leave.

The third and final applicant is called in, and yet again asked, "What is two plus two?"

He answers, "What do you want it to be?"

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Not my dog
One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog.

He goes over to the man and asks: 'does your dog bite?' the old man replies 'No never'.

When the man bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says 'I thought you said your dog did not bite!

'I did' replies the old man, but this isn't my dog!'

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Magic spell
I was sitting in the foyer of a bank when a young man walked by and then stopped for a moment on his way out. I noticed that one of the latches on his overstuffed briefcase was
unfastened, putting strain on the remaining latch.

"You're going to lose the contents of your briefcase," I warned him.

Just then, the case burst open. He stared at me with something akin to fear in his eyes as he gasped, "How on earth did you do that"?

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Loose change
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."

The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

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Pregnant
"Give me a sentence about one of the public servants we learned about today," said the teacher.

One small boy wrote, "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the boy aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," he said confidently. "It means carrying a child."

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Pinoy Salesman, etc

Pinoy Salesman
The Boss asks: 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The Pinoy says: 'Sir, I was a salesman back home in Manila.'

Well, the boss liked the Pinoy chappie so he gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers did you have?'

Pinoy boy says: 'Sir, Just ONE sir.'

The boss says: 'Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 customers a day. If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one customer. By the way, how much was the sale for?'

Pinoy boy says: ' $101 237. 64'

Boss says: '$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?'

Pinoy boy says:'Sir, First I sell him small fishhook.
Then I sell him medium fishhook.
Then I sell him large fishhook.
Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.

I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper Camper Tents.

Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss said: 'You're not serious? A guy came in hereto buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?'

Pinoy boy says: 'No Sir, actually he came in to buy Tylenol for his headache and I said:

'Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind!'

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We need to work

A man stopped at a gas station and, after filling his tank, paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola, and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the old.

The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man, tossing the can into a trash container and headed down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the workers, "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the government," one of them said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow, "Normally there's three of us: me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back. 

Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean that Mike and me can't work."

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Red and Blue

Two cab drivers were waiting for fares in front of a downtown hotel.

"Hey," asked one, "why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"

"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."

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